What happens when a critical friend comes to the kindergarten?

When a critical friend steps through the kindergarten door, they are not coming to judge or inspect. Their role is quite different – to be a partner, who helps to notice, make sense of, and plan changes which stem from kindergarten’s values. This is a chance to pause, look at your actions from a different perspective, and ask: which values guide our everyday work? How are these values reflected in our decisions, relationships, and actions?

In the approach of the Centre for Ethics of the University of Tartu, values development means conscious work to ensure that the values of an educational institution don’t remain merely as words in documents but actively shape its culture and everyday decisions. A critical friend serves as an external perspective and a guide – helping to make values visible, facilitate discussion, and form them into concrete actions and choices. This includes analysing the organisation’s current situation, planning development activities, and reflecting on their impact. The most essential prerequisite is a relationship of trust and collaboration free from judgement.

The role of the critical friend is talked about by Kristina Mägi, director of Kohila Kindergarten Sipsik since 2006, and Kätlin Kaljas, director of Põlva Lõunakaare kindergarten since 2019. Their experience shows that the initial caution is soon replaced by an understanding that the critical friend isn’t there to force change, but rather to help create clarity and support existing practice.

The Centre for Ethics of the University of Tartu has 17 critical friends. They also support kindergartens in the transition to Estonian-language education, where values-based leadership is a central element of change. Cooperation takes place both through one-to-one consultations and in learning groups that bring together kindergartens throughout Ida-Virumaa. In practice, the presence of a critical friend becomes an opportunity to consciously allocate time for discussion, gain a holistic view, and plan steps that help kindergartens evolve.

A critical friend is more than an observer

When asking Kätlin and Kristina, how they would explain the term “critical friend”, a shared understanding emerged: a critical friend is mainly a supporter. In Kätlin’s words, a critical friend is someone who contributes to the development of organisational culture by being a mirror, a supporter, and an encourager. Equally as important is their role as a questioner. “Our objective is at times to ask such questions, that may be uncomfortable but are important for development. A critical friend is someone who notices a great deal while standing aside another,” says Kätlin.

"A critical friend doesn’t tell you what to do. They guide their team in a way that enables them to move forward on their own and experience a sense of success."

Kristina describes the role of a critical friend in a similar way. For her, a critical friend is someone, who helps an organisation to recognise their internal processes and make sense of them. They ask questions that help the team to become more aware of their strengths and their developmental needs, and to help find solutions together. “A critical friend doesn’t tell you what to do. They guide their team in a way that enables them to move forward on their own and experience a sense of success.”

The pathway to becoming a critical friend

For both, the journey of becoming a critical friend began when they entered the training programme. It was not so much because of a decision to become a critical friend, but a desire to take part in a learning process that offered new perspectives and opportunities for professional development. The training focused on how to support educational institutions through questioning, reflection, and constructive feedback; how to notice organisational culture and values; and how to create a safe space for discussion in which teams can themselves make sense of their directions for development.

For Kristina, this decision took shape in a rather unexpected way, yet it remains vividly memorable. She recalls how, in an everyday situation, when she was trying on new shoes in a football equipment shop, she first learned about the opportunity to take part in the critical friend training programme. “At first, I had to quickly shift my mindset, and I didn’t fully understand what I was committing myself to,” she explains. Only later, as she delved deeper into the substance of the role, did it become clear how multi-layered and exciting the challenge was that laid ahead. What proved decisive was the understanding that this was not only a contribution to the development of others, but also an opportunity for personal growth.

Kätlin’s journey started from the decision to begin training, although at first, she hesitated. “Can I do this, will I manage?” she recalls. At the same time, she knew that it was a rare opportunity. The desire to experience something rich in learning and substantive in content outweighed her doubts. “I thought that even if the pace is fast, such an opportunity may not come again. Every experience serves a purpose,” says Kätlin.

“Values may be written down, but they also have to truly live,” says Kätlin.

The understanding of the role of a critical friend continued to develop once what had been learned could be put into practice and be carried into the everyday life of educational institutions. Kätlin emphasises that when speaking about the tasks of a critical friend we must think about it in a broader sense. One of the most essential preconditions is the creation of a relationship of trust and only then can shared goals be set, focuses clarified and values reflected upon. “Values may be written down, but they also have to truly live,” says Kätlin. “Equally important is noticing, from a neutral external perspective, what may remain unseen in the confides of an organisation, to bring blind spots to light. It is exactly the position of an observer that helps teams step out of their everyday routine and view their actions from a new angle,” Kätlin explains. She also points out the importance of listening to people and maintaining a supportive, non-judgemental stance. “An important skill is the ability to give constructive feedback and to ask questions in a way that does not make anyone feel hurt. The role of a critical friend is not to offer ready-made solutions, but to guide partners in collaboration towards finding answers themselves,” Kätlin adds. In the process, feedback and feedforward play a central role. “At the same time, empowering the team is essential, as the issues under discussion are often complex and require maintaining a safe and supportive atmosphere,” Kristina reflects.

The work takes place from person to person, meaning that when guiding processes, a strong sense of how to create and sustain a group is also essential. “In addition to consultations and providing feedback, we also conducted online meetings and in-person workshops, which required presentation skills as well as the ability to respond to spontaneous situations. While analysis or feedback can be carefully formulated at one’s own pace, meetings demanded a high level of self-management: keeping track of time, adapting to the agenda, and dealing quickly with situations that did not go according to plan. This experience gave me an enormous set of skills,” says Kristina.

The critical friend as a supporter, not a consultant

One of the key balancing points of the critical friend’s role is offering a supportive stance without it turning into evaluation or prescription. According to Kristina, there is a golden rule here: a critical friend does not pass judgement. They reflect, describe the situation, and ask clarifying questions that help the other party hear their own thoughts more clearly. “Sometimes I bring an example from my own experience, but not to evaluate but rather to offer another perspective,” Kristina explains. In her words neutral description is often the key, because when a person hears their own thoughts reflected back by someone else, the situation can take on an entirely new and supportive direction.

This is where the differences of a critical friend and a consultant or trainer become even more obvious. “A critical friend doesn’t say, what must be done. A consultant can give direct instructions or offer ready solutions, on the other hand, a critical friend’s role is to support the team in a way that helps them find their own way. Our “helpfulness” lies in the framework that supports the process, not in the way of ready-made solutions,” says Kristina.

Kätlin adds that the supportive role doesn’t entail that the organisation moves in similar pace as the critical friend or immediately accepts all their viewpoints. At times there are moments when the team holds on to their views and are not ready for the next step. “In these kinds of situations, I can’t say that their idea is wrong. It is important to accept the decisions of the team. Only then we can think about how we can further support with their objectives,” says Kätlin. “You can’t take accountability for someone else, because the one who is responsible, does more as well. Our purpose is to direct and support educational institutions in a way that they would start taking actions.”

In the beginning teams may expect clearer instructions or wish, that the critical friend would say, what the “correct step” is. Kätlin notes that this did occur during the first meetings: “At first, there is a sense of wanting to be told what to do. But through joint conversations there develops a common ground within the group, and it is realised that the work is being done for themselves, not the critical friend.”

Challenges and successes in kindergartens in Ida-Virumaa County

Since Kristina and Kätlin work as critical friends in the kindergartens in Ida-Virumaa County, they encounter the region’s linguistic and cultural particularities daily. According to Kristina, one of the greatest challenges is understanding that the change doesn’t happen overnight: “I would like to help more, but everything can’t be resolved quickly. Language learning and a shift in an organisation’s mindset inevitably take time.” She draws a comparison with Kohila Kindergarten Sipsik, where out of nearly 200 children only nine have a first language other than Estonian, whereas in Ida-Virumaa County there may be only one child in an entire kindergarten whose mother tongue is Estonian. In this context, the transition to Estonian-language education is of a completely different level of difficulty.

When supporting changes in organisational culture, the language barrier emerged as a challenge primarily in teachers’ communication with parents, as well as within groups when interacting with teaching assistants whose mother tongue is not Estonian. At first, Kristina felt that the critical friend was expected to provide faster solutions or take bigger steps than were realistically possible, but the on-site experience reshaped this understanding. “From the outside, it may seem easy to say, “just learn the language” but the context is different. During meetings, fears about change and staff turnover were often voiced, along with concerns about how to give feedback to parents when the language of communication differs.” Based on these experiences, Kristina articulates how she approaches the process: “This is all very much the right direction, but it cannot be artificially rushed. It is necessary to accept that it takes time.”

Kätlin agrees – she too experienced how expectations regarding the pace of change in Ida-Viru County are often tense. Teachers themselves expressed a desire to move forward but are unsure of the rhythm and the way to do so. “If in Southern or Northern Estonia there are four children in a group who speak another language, then in Ida-Virumaa County there may be as many as in the entire kindergarten. These really are different worlds,” Kätlin explains. In her view, the most difficult role was being a sensible guide and encourager – someone who helps others understand that a slower pace is also entirely justified. Kätlin also pointed out that, in addition to the language barrier, staff changes and fears about coping under new conditions create significant anxiety.

Kätlin adds that at the same time, kindergarten teams in Ida-Virumaa County have been very open to support. “In our groups, it was clearly visible that they are willing to accept help. Whether in the form of a critical friend, a language buddy, or additional training,” she notes.

Amid such changes and uncertainties, small victories become especially meaningful. Kätlin describes, for example, a meeting in which one team was able to clearly articulate its direction and goals. Whereas previously the focus had seemed broad and diffuse, joint discussions led to concrete steps and, importantly, to the understanding that development does not have to proceed at an overwhelming pace. “They broke their activities down into smaller stages and consciously slowed the pace. For me, it was a major win that they realised they did not need to overburden themselves,” Kätlin says.

Kristina experienced a similar sense of breakthrough with her learning groups. Various changes affecting kindergartens, such as mergers, closures, and staff redundancies, had created confusion and uncertainty. Nevertheless, the final learning group meeting resulted in tangible outcomes. Teachers already had a concrete action plan for the following week, outlining how to move forward towards their goals. “There was such a clear sense of synergy,” Kristina recalls. “That moment when they themselves understood what their next step was – that was the real success. The path forward became clear, and they were able to firmly take hold of their starting point.”

Building bridges in the educational landscape

In the words of Kristina and Kätlin, the role of a critical friend has not only provided an opportunity to support others, but also a journey of personal development. “I’m really glad that I found my way into this role, because the experience has opened entirely new perspectives for me. The training, during which we learned how to give both oral and written feedback, analyse situations, and support value-based processes, is a treasure trove that I now draw on in my everyday work as well,” Kristina explains. She considers the shared core of critical friends, the supportive and professional community, to be just as important. “The contacts and relationships remain. And the experience remains,” she concludes.

Kätlin shares this feeling. For her, working in kindergartens in Ida-Virumaa County was something she would otherwise never have experienced. “It broadened my horizons and offered an invaluable opportunity to understand the everyday realities, challenges, and strengths of kindergartens in different regions. New ability to notice blind spots, to ask questions that support development, and to do so with an empathetic outsider’s perspective,” Kätlin describes, reflecting on how her own work has changed. She notes with a smile that her own team has also noticed a shift in her work within their organisation. “Interesting questions” have emerged which open up entirely new levels in discussions. In Kätlin’s view, the value of this experience is significant and long-lasting.

Although the programme has so far focused on Ida-Virumaa County, both see the potential of the critical friend role much more broadly. Looking ahead from the present moment, Kristina expresses a wish to move beyond regional boundaries: “Every region has its own challenges and strengths, and the methodology common for a critical friend fits everywhere” For both, the appeal of the role lies precisely in the fact that it supports people’s own thinking and encourages teams to find solutions themselves, rather than following predefined answers. This makes the programme’s outcomes deeper and more sustainable compared to conventional training.

The conversation thus arrives at the understanding that the critical friend is, above all, a supportive role that helps make sense of change and move forward. Both in the work of the critical friends themselves and in the everyday practices of kindergartens in Ida-Virumaa County.

The activities take place within the framework of the programme “Shaping a Values-Based Educational Culture in Local Governments to Support the Transition to Estonian-Language Education.” The programme is implemented by the University of Tartu Centre for Ethics and supported by the Ministry of Education and Research.